Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Did I do it?
Did I touch you? Did I hurt the dog? What about the cats? Are you sure I didn’t? I can't be sure. It feels like I did. My hands feel dirty. It feels like my hand touched my dogs butt when she was beside me. But I can't guarantee that I did do it, nor can I guarantee that I didn't. I can’t figure it out, and it scares me. I feel dirty and full of germs. I want to wash. But then that means that I start this compulsion again. And then, I would have to change my clothes and wash my laptop and my couch and everything else I touched. Sigh, and how would I ever know for sure what all I touched. I don't ever wish to hurt anyone. Why am I like this and why won’t it go away? I neeeeeeeeed a new brain! Ocd... your a pain in the fucking ass. I hate dealing with this every second of everyday.
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Amy, OCD must be a pain in the butt ! Have you always had it ? Is there any way you can distract yourself ? or does that just create another compulsion ? Glad to see you're posting again.
ReplyDeleteWow...I found your blog while searching for help about OCD Pure-O and what you say is exactly how I've been feeling. My obsessions seem to center around fear of losing touch with reality. It's nice to have found you!-Sierra
ReplyDeletecupcakesandhealthshakes.blogspot.com