A mamie update!

I have a goal to blog at least twice a month. I would love to once a week. Perhaps if I wasn't such a lazy ass/procrasinator; I would get it done. I still have so much to say. So much I need to get out, I just find it hard to find the time to do it. It is such a relief to write my thoughts down. When I start, they just pour out. Perhaps I post more then I should. Oh well, if you don't like it, don't read it. ;)

Life... life is going. It's almost... almost back to normal. Well, as normal as my life gets.

My work scheduale is now full, and I am just as disorganized as ever. I am working on my disorganization. Its a new goal of mine. So many goals. The same goals I made this time last year. EPIC FAIL! This year, will be different. At least, it better be. I can't have two epic fails in a row! How can I fail at something that matters to me so much? Is it because I lack motivation, because I'm lazy, or is it just because life gets in the way. Regardless, if I fail this time, I will be comitting myself into a mental instuition, or Anthony will do it. ;).

I feel good. I feel happy. Really, there are very few things I am unhappy with in my life and they all have to do with me, and things that I need to change! Its a vicious circle that always goes back to the goals.

My eyes are wide open now, more open then they have ever been. I see things differently. The past year I have been put into so many different situations, good and bad, so many new people have come into my life. Mostly for the better, and those that were not so fantastic, I have learned so much from. And learning, boy oh boy am I learning! About myself, about others, about love, about life. Its thrilling, scary, sad and brillant. I feel alive. Not so lost anymore. I have my days, thats for sure. We all do.

I miss mom. Terribly! The dreams have stopped for the most part, but the feelings have not gone away. The empty feeling. Somedays, I pick up the phone to call her, or see my dad's number on the phone and get excited that MOM called. Everyday, I will be carrying on with my daily activities and remember she has passed and memories will flood my mind. It feels like someone punched me in the stomach, and a panic attack begins.

I miss home, I miss the family, I miss the kids. But like I said, I feel good. I have amazing family. Amazing friends, and a pretty awesome life!

xoxo

Mamie