The other day I was chatting with a close male friend of mine about a few particular people in my life. I adore him, and always respect his opinion. I always find myself bouncing ideas off him, and getting advice from him. He is wise beyond his years, and is incredibly honest. Honest! He never beats around the bush. I love you Ben! <3
I found myself struggling with my a few particular relationships in my life, and I was unsure of what steps to take next. Ben asked me “ How valuable are they in your life?” In this particular situation, I cherished their friendships, so I decided to take the appropriate steps to make it work. However; I then began to ask myself how valuable each and every person was in my life? Really, I had been examining every relationship I had with every single person since coming back from Cape Breton., but this just took it one step further.
I think I am a good friend. I give, and give and give until I can’t give anymore. I love to be there for my friends, regardless of the situation , regardless of the time or the day. If you want me, I am there! Anthony and I are both very giving people. So giving, that we often get burned and taken advantage of.
So, while in Cape Breton, I was incredibly surprised at how many of my “close” friends disappeared. I get that it was a hard situation, an awkward situation, and no one knew what to say. But there are other ways to be there for someone.
On another note, I was incredibly surprised how many friends exceeded my expectations when I needed them. It didn’t take much. Random texts offering love and support, long distance hugs and random emails. Some took it a step further and were REALLY there for me. I am still amazed.
In the 6 months I have been back in Halifax, I have noticed a huge difference in myself. In my friends and who I really value. I tried letting go of my anger and tried to make amends with those I felt abandoned me in my time away. (Sounds dramatic, I know!) I believe in second chances, working things out and forgiving. So that’s what I did. Clean slate for everyone!
Interesting enough, I put much effort into a lot of my current friendships. I have reached out and tried to connect. One can only give so much, before they realise its not worth it. That what or who we are working for, really doesn’t deserve your time. I had to ask myself and answer honestly.. “ How valuable are they in my life?” I am delighted and incredibly fortunate to say that I have let very few people go. I refuse to invest anymore time into those who are not valuable in MY life. I have other people and things that my time will be better invested. Other places its more respected and enjoyed.
I am a very fortunate person.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
A whril wind of updates
Life is pretty darn sweet, considering it’s a bitch.
Ocd, has me on a rollercoaster. I am worrying about normal to me things like being around kids, animals and old people, but it also has me doing some confessing and worrying about details of certain events. Silly mind, I want a new brain. I want to be home with my neices and nephews, but ocd makes it so hard.
I dreamt about mom again last night, It has been awhile. Thankfully, it was fairly pleasant. It is nice to have her visit my dreams, but it brings up a wide range of emotions. I think about her daily, and find myself searching my face book to see her comments. She was such a smartass and never failed to put a smile on my face.
I have started a new business adventure. While I am still doing “SS” (removed name for privacy reasons) , it is time for a change and something different. SS is now finally back on track since I’ve returned from Cape Breton in August. My schedule is full, I like my clients and I feel good when I leave. However, I am not content with what I am doing with my life.
While at a recent franchise show I only found one business that interested me. Perhaps I was a little biased, as I was addicted to their product. Gourmet coffee vending machines. After attending some of their information sessions, having interviews and getting approved for a loan, it felt right to go ahead and pursue this. New business name : JJE (removed actual name for privacy reasons). Our Machines arrive at the end of the month, and I feel very positive about this. While Anthony was very much into this idea, he is the one that is stressing over the what if’s. What if it was a bad idea financially? Its funny, considering my history with anxiety, worrying and doubting…. I don’t worry about anything rational. Besides my ocd, people tell me I am the most laid back person they know. Frankly, I believe that everything works out in the end. Worst case scenario, it was a silly idea and were out a shitload of money, but we will live ;). Maybe its because I am feeling pretty confident now.
Roller Derby. I have had an interest in roller derby for a few years now, but could never find anything local. Halifax now has a league and they are accepting new no experienced needed players. Finally, after a lot of procrastinating based on fear, I now have roller skates and all the gear needed. I have been on them twice so far. Once inside, once outside. I hurt from falling, I feel very discouraged and I am definitely unsure I can do this. BUT, I refuse to give up yet. Worst case scenario, I am a shitty skater and can’t do derby. I tried and that’s what matters. Its fantastic exercise, and as long as I don’t break anything, its all good fun.
Yes, it can be a rough sport, but with proper gear and training its fairly safe. Just like any other sport, except you have hot chicks in fishnets, banging into each other using vulgar language, and fun hair. I fit right in ;). The ladies are amazing, and I doubt you could meet a nicer group of people. Seeing them is making me crave more tattoos and piercings. Dad may just disown me…… hehe.
Speaking on tattoos, I am putting together a piece in memory of mom. When mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer, my whole family decided we would get a tattoo to show the love we have for her. It was a simple butterfly, with the breast cancer ribbon in the middle as the body. We will still be getting that one, however, I want something bigger. A portrait perhaps, with her butterfly story. I must remember to post the butterfly story she wrote. Mom loved butterflies, not only because of their beauty, but because what they stood for. The change. She was a butterfly. We all are. “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly” - Richard Buckminister.
I would love to update you all on my weightloss, but there is nothing to report. Total failure in that department, but with the skating being introduced, it should change. I am eating a bit healthier though… maybe… kind of… sorta?
How are you all doing?
Ocd, has me on a rollercoaster. I am worrying about normal to me things like being around kids, animals and old people, but it also has me doing some confessing and worrying about details of certain events. Silly mind, I want a new brain. I want to be home with my neices and nephews, but ocd makes it so hard.
I dreamt about mom again last night, It has been awhile. Thankfully, it was fairly pleasant. It is nice to have her visit my dreams, but it brings up a wide range of emotions. I think about her daily, and find myself searching my face book to see her comments. She was such a smartass and never failed to put a smile on my face.
I have started a new business adventure. While I am still doing “SS” (removed name for privacy reasons) , it is time for a change and something different. SS is now finally back on track since I’ve returned from Cape Breton in August. My schedule is full, I like my clients and I feel good when I leave. However, I am not content with what I am doing with my life.
While at a recent franchise show I only found one business that interested me. Perhaps I was a little biased, as I was addicted to their product. Gourmet coffee vending machines. After attending some of their information sessions, having interviews and getting approved for a loan, it felt right to go ahead and pursue this. New business name : JJE (removed actual name for privacy reasons). Our Machines arrive at the end of the month, and I feel very positive about this. While Anthony was very much into this idea, he is the one that is stressing over the what if’s. What if it was a bad idea financially? Its funny, considering my history with anxiety, worrying and doubting…. I don’t worry about anything rational. Besides my ocd, people tell me I am the most laid back person they know. Frankly, I believe that everything works out in the end. Worst case scenario, it was a silly idea and were out a shitload of money, but we will live ;). Maybe its because I am feeling pretty confident now.
Roller Derby. I have had an interest in roller derby for a few years now, but could never find anything local. Halifax now has a league and they are accepting new no experienced needed players. Finally, after a lot of procrastinating based on fear, I now have roller skates and all the gear needed. I have been on them twice so far. Once inside, once outside. I hurt from falling, I feel very discouraged and I am definitely unsure I can do this. BUT, I refuse to give up yet. Worst case scenario, I am a shitty skater and can’t do derby. I tried and that’s what matters. Its fantastic exercise, and as long as I don’t break anything, its all good fun.
Yes, it can be a rough sport, but with proper gear and training its fairly safe. Just like any other sport, except you have hot chicks in fishnets, banging into each other using vulgar language, and fun hair. I fit right in ;). The ladies are amazing, and I doubt you could meet a nicer group of people. Seeing them is making me crave more tattoos and piercings. Dad may just disown me…… hehe.
Speaking on tattoos, I am putting together a piece in memory of mom. When mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer, my whole family decided we would get a tattoo to show the love we have for her. It was a simple butterfly, with the breast cancer ribbon in the middle as the body. We will still be getting that one, however, I want something bigger. A portrait perhaps, with her butterfly story. I must remember to post the butterfly story she wrote. Mom loved butterflies, not only because of their beauty, but because what they stood for. The change. She was a butterfly. We all are. “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly” - Richard Buckminister.
I would love to update you all on my weightloss, but there is nothing to report. Total failure in that department, but with the skating being introduced, it should change. I am eating a bit healthier though… maybe… kind of… sorta?
How are you all doing?
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